When we learn that He invites us to draw near on a pathway blazed by His Son…
When we discover that He made us to be satisfied only by continuously and deeply drinking from the life He alone can provide…
When we see the world around us as it is: hungry and thirsty souls frantically trying to fill the gnawing void with an empty “feast,” dark, deluded, and damaged…
When we sense His heart to make all things new…
When we glimpse the King and fall down before Him…
Then being alone with Him becomes…
- a place of refuge;
- a time of refreshing;
- a vision of what is real;
- a reminder of what matters;
- a release from hopelessness;
- a moment of weightlessness as you unburden your soul;
- a way to discern and ask for His kingly rule to break into broken lives and circumstances;
- a delightful time with the One who rescues you;
- a journey to ever-increasing levels of surrender to His love and stunning purposes for your life; and
- a mission to bring joy to the One who sings over you!
If you are blind, you will see;
If you are deaf, you will hear His voice;
If you are an offender of others, you will love others by seeking their forgiveness;
If you are bound, you will be set free;
If you are an enemy, you will be reconciled;
If you are angry, you will enter & experience His peace;
If you are poor, you will find everything you need in Him;
If you are running, you will be arrested by His love;
If you are a rebel, you will fall in surrender at His feet;
If you are wrong, you will be made right;
If you are alone, you will find a Forever Friend;
If you are enslaved and desire change, you will begin a journey of transformation into His likeness;
If you are hopeless, you will be given a secure destiny;
If you are unfeeling, you will care about the spiritual condition of every person you meet;
If you are sick, you will be healed (sooner or later);
If you always have to “drive,” you will find rest under His yoke;
If you are an orphan, you will find a family;
If you are afraid, you will be hidden in the emotional fortress that lies under the shadow of the Almighty;
If you are joyless, you will sing His praises;
If you are confused, you will see the truth;
If you are dead, you will be made alive;
If you are the greatest sinner, you will meet the only Savior; and
If you are lost, you will be found!
And these things only begin to describe LIFE in the presence of Jesus.
…when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. Luke 15:20
Lord, You are my Father (and a consuming fire).
To draw near to You is to encounter the warmth of Your love, and the intense heat of Your wrath towards sin. I cannot draw near to You without retreating from sin in my heart. This is the delightful and deadly journey into Your presence, and any personal purity I experience is only a consequence of that journey… a continual casting away of the worthless and temporal in exchange for that timeless place before You.
It is an illusion and a lie to believe that intimacy with You is costly, when nothing compares to the unspeakable joy of being lost and found by my Father the King (who is also a consuming fire).
Thank you for rejoicing and running… towards me.
– a grateful son
Your daily prayer life is the greatest privilege you have as a child of God. One of the reasons Jesus died for you is so that you would have unhindered access and unfiltered fellowship with the Father! He wants you to be with Him… but what do you do when you finally get “there” — alone with Him?
Enjoy Him first… He is your first love.
“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” (John 10:27) Prayer is so much more than presenting a “want list” or reciting religious phrases: prayer is first a relationship. Prayer involves interaction between the heart of a believer and the greatest love in his or her life: Jesus Christ. When we are in love, we want to spend all of our time involved with the object of our love. Prayer is like that. Application: Take a moment and speak to the Lord, silently expressing your love to Jesus!
Ask Him for “open doors” as you walk in the world today.
“And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message.” (Col. 4:3) Paul uses the analogy of an “open door” to describe an opportunity to tell others about Jesus Christ. The “open door” would be a set of circumstances arranged by God allowing Paul to share the gospel. Notice too that when Paul asked his readers to pray for an “open door” he was in prison. Imagine that! He could have asked for his freedom, yet he asked instead for the opportunity to share Christ. Application: In all of your relationships (co-workers, family and friends), where do you encounter firmly closed “doors” when it comes to talking about Christ? Perhaps the person will not listen, does not have the time, or lives too far away. Ask God to open one of those doors.
Ask Him to bless other believers with dramatic spiritual successes.
“Pray for us that the message of the Lord may spread rapidly and be honored, just as it was with you.” (2 Thess. 3:1) Paul is using a military word picture that escapes a casual reading of this verse. The message should run swiftly (like a warrior into battle) with great success (like a great military victory). Throughout the history of the church, there have been dramatic outpourings of God’s saving power. Paul is implying that happens as God’s people pray for a mighty work of God in their day. Application: List the most dramatic news events taking place today around the world. Can you imagine the kind of spiritual event that would cause mass media to place a mighty move of God on that list? Ask God to move powerfully in your community!
Ask Him to send compassionate workers to minister to a broken generation.
“The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.” (Luke 10:2) Jesus viewed the crowds that followed him as “sheep without a shepherd” — there were simply too many for Him to personally interact with each one. He knew that a “harvest” of devoted followers would result IF loving workers would go out and build relationships in the crowd. His root motivation was compassion. Where there is human need in our church, our community, or our world, then Jesus directs us to pray for workers to go and address those needs. Of course, it would be silly to pray this prayer without being willing to go ourselves! Application: Where are the specific “harvest” fields around your church today? What groups of people need ministry in and outside the church? Ask God to raise up a new generation of impassioned servants.
Ask Him to help Christians in trouble – no matter where they are in the world.
“…join me in my struggle by praying to God for me.” (Rom. 15:30) Prayer enables us to join with laborers around the world as they struggle with sin and evil. Paul specifically requests prayer for several items (see Rom. 15:31-32), but he describes the act of praying as joining him “in my struggle“. When we pray with others regarding their problems and needs, we become real participants in their life and work. Application: Have you ever had to face a major crisis alone? What does it mean to you when someone prays for you when you are in trouble? Who do you need to help in prayer today?
Daily prayer is vital. Lives are at stake. Eternity is on the line. Will you set your heart to meet with God each day?
Want to go deeper? The model prayer taught by Jesus is the best outline to guide your time alone with God.
It was on a Saturday afternoon during the month of August 1806 that five young men from Williams College in Williamstown, Massachusetts, met together to pray near a grove of maple trees north of the campus. As a thunderstorm rolled in overhead, lightning and rain forced the students to run and take shelter in a haystack. As the storm raged, the students prayed that God would send them across the seas to share the good news of Jesus Christ with a lost world. God heard their prayer.
Six years later, the first missionaries from America set sail for foreign lands.
The leader of the Haystack Prayer Meeting was Samuel J. Mills, Jr. Born in 1783, Samuel grew up in a minister’s home in Torringford, Connecticut, the youngest of four living children born to Samuel and Esther Mills. His father, Samuel Mills, Sr., pastored the same church for 64 years.
Prayers for revival—for God to make His presence real to His people—were common throughout New England in the 1790’s. In 1798 revival broke out in Connecticut and Massachusetts, affecting over 150 churches. In the 30 village churches of northern Connecticut, over 1,700 converts were added to the membership rolls in less than 24 months. Samuel Mills witnessed the impact of that revival.
In 1806, Mills entered the all-male Williams College at the age of 23. Like many colleges in the 1790’s, the spiritual and moral conditions at the school were tough for Christians. Believers were often ridiculed and ostracized from the social life of the campus. The French Revolution and Enlightenment ideals ushered in a wave of skepticism towards God and the Bible. Several church-based colleges completely lost their theological moorings. One pastor wrote, “It seemed as if God had almost entirely withdrawn His gracious influence. We were left to mourn an absent God, barren ordinances, an unsuccessful Gospel and cold hearts.”
In 1805, revival broke out at the congregational church in Williamstown pastored by Seth Swift, deeply affecting a number of students, including a junior named Algernon Bailey. Bailey was repeatedly threatened and harassed by his fellow students for his faith, but his patient endurance only served to draw other students to Christ. The revival spread from the church to the campus.
By the summer of 1806, Mills and others were meeting twice a week for prayer and Bible study. Normally a dozen or so students would attend the meetings. But on one particularly hot Saturday in August, Mills was joined by a childhood friend, Harvey Loomis, and three others: James Richards, Francis Robbins, and Byram Green.
Years later Byram Green recalled that it was during this meeting that Mills first proposed that as students, they could be the first to carry the Gospel to Asia and the Middle East. He writes, “We first went to the grove, expecting to hold our prayer meeting there, but a dark cloud was rising in the west, and it soon began to thunder and lightning, and we left the grove and went under the haystack to protect us from the approaching storm… The subject of conversation under the stack, before and during the shower, was the moral darkness of Asia. Mills proposed to send the gospel to that dark and heathen land; and said that we could do it if we would.”
In 1810, the American Board of Commissioners for Foreign Missions (ABCFM) was launched in response to a petition for assistance coming from Mills and his prayer partners, now students at Andover Theological Seminary. The ABCFM was the first Christian ministry in the United States devoted to sending missionaries overseas.
On February 12, 1812, the first missionaries from America set sail for India. On board that ship, the missionary roster included Adoniram Judson and Luther Rice, who would become founders of the modern missionary movement among Baptists.
Samuel Mills went on to become a missionary promoter and statesman throughout the United States. He conducted two missionary surveys of the Mississippi River, including the western territories belonging to the young United States. He helped start a training school for internationals, American Indians, free slaves, and Polynesians. He helped organize the American Bible Society in 1816. He died in 1818 on a return voyage from a mission trip to West Africa. Samuel Mills was 35 years old. He never married.
Why did it happen? What caused the explosion of American interest in global evangelism and missions after 1810? Was it the students under the haystack? Not quite.
It was a few people in the presence of God.
What happened to those students who completely sold out to God in the summer of 1806 was simply this: they experienced the presence of God. In the presence of God, the students at the haystack took personal responsibility for the lost souls of their generation.
Today, in His Presence, we too can hear the heartbeat of God for lost souls around us—and our heart will begin to beat with His heart—and we will cry out “Here am I, send me!”
Editor’s Note: Would you like to view a 15-minute documentary of the 1806 Haystack Prayer Meeting and the birth of American foreign missions? Produced for Arkansas Baptist Collegiate Ministries, this video (click here) was created by a wonderful team of talented friends, and written and narrated by yours truly. Enjoy! – DP
In 1979, they met in a church classroom early on Sunday mornings to pray. A small group of older men and women would gather, encouraging a group of students to join them as they interceded for Sunday services, church leaders, and lost souls. As the church grew and lives were changed, lessons were learned. Listening to their prayers, those students learned how to pray and call on God. I was one of those students. Those men and women had an effective prayer ministry!
How do you start an effective, life changing prayer ministry? Here are eight principles to consider:
Model. Long before Jesus taught the disciples how to pray, He modeled a lifestyle of prayer (Mark 1:35). Similarly, you want to carefully examine your own prayer life before launching a prayer ministry. Do you have a daily time alone with God? Do you pray for the needs of others as well as your own? Do you seek God’s will in your decisions? Have you experienced and worked through some of the basic difficulties of prayer (e.g., dry spells and unanswered prayers)? Your experience with God will help fuel the interest of others in a prayer ministry.
Discuss. Connect with your pastor and other church leaders to talk about your interest in launching a prayer ministry. Ask for their input and ideas. Listen carefully to their responses. If the church has a defined process for launching new ministry organizations, be sure to work as much as possible with the pastor and leaders to gain the support and approval of the new prayer ministry. If you encounter resistance from someone, exercise patience.
Learn. Go to “school” on the subject of prayer: read books, attend conferences, and listen to messages. Build relationships with the praying men and women in your own church. Contact prayer leaders in other churches to learn what they are doing. Become a student.
Strategize. A well-rounded prayer strategy will provide church members with opportunities to learn about and participate in at least three kinds of prayer:
Corporate Prayer. Is your church known as a “house of prayer” (Matthew 21:13)? It ought to be. Somewhere in the life of every church there needs to be a time set aside strictly for prayer. If Wednesday night prayer meeting is really a Bible study (that people are enjoying), don’t feel like you need to change it. Set aside another time and dedicate it for prayer: a time anyone who needs to be prayed for can come and find the support they need.
Small Group Prayer. Jesus is present when a small group prays together (Matthew 18:20). Faithful friends will pray for one another and the special needs of their church and community. Everyone in the church needs someone praying for them (Ephesians 6:18). A small group prayer strategy will make sure that no one is left out.
Individual Prayer. Many church members do not know how to spend time alone with God in a quiet time: they have never been taught. On a regular basis, offer churchwide opportunities to learn about an individual prayer life. Challenge church members to form a new daily prayer habit.
Calendar. The launch of a new prayer ministry needs to be planned and coordinated with other churchwide events. Working with the existing church calendar, identify the dates for your regular prayer meetings, special events, and training classes. Allow ample advance notice so church members can plan their participation.
Enlist. Who will join you in this effort? Identify specific men and women to help you lead and host the different parts of the new prayer ministry. Write out a brief job description for each role you are seeking to fill. Meet with each individual, sharing your passion and the specific tasks to be completed. As you assemble your team, be sure to meet with them on a regular basis for information and encouragement.
Launch. Highlight the launch of a new prayer ministry with a special churchwide event or emphasis. Communicate the new prayer opportunities with announcements, signs, flyers, and church mail. Visit Bible Study classes and other church groups to discuss the prayer ministry launch. Be brief, but enthusiastic.
Support. Working with your leaders, plan a full year of activities and emphases. Meet with your leaders regularly to hear their needs and concerns. Pray with them and for them. Be a cheerleader. As you find new resources, secure copies and share them with your leaders.
Although these eight principles represent the practical steps involved in launching a new prayer ministry, be assured that God will be working in ways you never dreamed or imagined (Ephesians 3:20). Some will be learning how to pray by witnessing the prayer life of others—that’s what happened to me. Others will form new friendships that will encourage them through dark and difficult periods in their lives. All will experience the mighty acts of God!
“For I want you to know what a great CONFLICT I have for you…” ~ Colossians 2:1
“Epaphras, who is one of you, a bondservant of Christ, greets you, always LABORING fervently for you in prayers, that you may stand perfect and complete in all the will of God.” ~ Colossians 4:12
“…who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement CRIES AND TEARS…” ~ Hebrews 5:7
Prayer is not the last resort of the weak-minded, it is the inner refuge of indefatigable men and women who know how to wait before their infinitely wise and mighty God.
The great struggle in prayer is not between God and you, as if you were straining to wrest some meager token from a stingy deity. Because of His unreserved love for you, your Father knows what you need before the thought is framed in your mind or any word leaves your lips.
No. Your battle is not with God.
But the moment you set out to go to God in prayer, all hell breaks loose. Distractions will come. Interruptions. Discouraging thoughts. Powerful emotions that posture as the truth but act as blinders to it. Instead of finding rest you seem to incur greater distress in your soul. Your path to Him lies submerged beneath a swirling eddy of anxiety. Your praying seems useless beneath the smothering effects of your circumstances.
And all the while, He is still there, He hears you, and He loves you.
It bears repeating: your battle is not with God.
Your battle lies in shutting out the mad noise of the outer world…
- slipping into the secret place and sacred space of your inner world…
- to lay down your worries and weights and terrors at His feet…
- to move over and surrender the controls…
- to let go of your fiercely-held “maps” to your happiness…
- to enter the sanctuary of His Presence…
- to simply be with Him…
- and to discover He has been seeking you for this relationship all along!
The noise of battle ends in the loving Presence of the all-sufficient King and the infinitely satisfying Savior… Jesus!
Every Christian is on a journey to know God more fully (John 17:3)… but rarely does anyone explain that the path is not an easy one nor is it well-populated. It can be strange and disorienting, especially as you look around and it seems no one else is travelling with you, or that no one else has passed this way before (not true, but it can feel that way).
John Newton (1725-1807), best known as the author of the hymn ‘Amazing Grace,’ in another hymn describes the way our Father draws us near and refines our faith into the finest spiritual “steel”…
I ask’d the Lord, that I might grow
In faith, and love, and every grace;
Might more of His salvation know,
And seek, more earnestly, His face.
‘Twas He who taught me thus to pray,
And He, I trust, has answer’d prayer;
But it has been in such a way
As almost drove me to despair.
I hoped that in some favour’d hour
At once He’d answer my request,
And by His love’s constraining power
Subdue my sins, and give me rest.
Instead of this, He made me feel
The hidden evils of my heart;
And let the angry powers of hell
Assault my soul in every part.
Yea more, with His own hand He seem’d
Intent to aggravate my woe;
Crossed all the fair designs I schemed,
Blasted my gourds, and laid me low.
“Lord, why is this?” I trembling cried,
“Wilt thou pursue Thy worm to death?”
“’Tis in this way,” the Lord replied,
“I answer prayer for grace and faith:”
“These inward trials I employ
From self and pride to set thee free;
And break thy schemes of earthly joy,
That thou may’st seek thy all in me.”
~ John Newton (1725-1807)
Source: Winchell, James M., ed. An Arrangement of the Psalms, Hymns, and Spiritual Songs of the Rev. Isaac Watts. Boston: James Loring, and Lincoln & Edmands, 1832.
One thing I have desired of the Lord, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple. ~ Psalm 27:4
If you could ask for one thing from God, what would it be? How long would you think about that question before submitting your request? Most of us have immediate needs… money for a car repair, or direction for a big decision, or relief from a broken marriage. Those are serious needs, but is that the one thing you want the most?
Let me reframe that question in a way that helps me: if there was one thing I could ask from God that would fulfill and satisfy my heart every day for the remainder of my life, what would it be?
Isn’t that the kind of thing you ask for when you can only ask for one thing?
In Psalm 27:4, David exposes the deepest longing of his heart when he writes, “One thing I have desired of the Lord.” There is something he wants from God… a single desire. He hasn’t said yet what it is, but to get the one thing it seems clear I must want just one thing.
But desire is not enough. He writes, “that will I seek.” Some people will go all their lives wanting God, but will never seriously seek God. David is different. He throws himself into the effort, seeking God by faith with determination and intentionality.
What is he seeking? To dwell in the presence of God “all the days of my life.” Every day. He does not want to merely “visit,” but David wants to live there… in His Presence.
What does he want to do? Two things…
(1) He wants to “behold” Him. He wants to see God, but not with his physical eyes. Walking into the deepest recesses of the Temple complex, David would have only seen the Ark of the Covenant with the eyes in his head, but with the eyes of his heart he knows he can gaze on the “beauty of the Lord.” No speaking is involved, just seeing… simple, childlike wonder at who He is… contentment in His love… deep satisfaction. David’s soul thirst becomes soul rest.
The apostle Paul later describes how the daily practice of “looking” at Jesus was changing him, even in the midst of destructive circumstances. He writes,
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
(2) In the presence of God, David also wants “to inquire.” David stands out from most of the men in his generation because he regularly asked God for direction. He understands that God is sovereign over all creation, and he wants to be personally subject to the rule of God. Throughout most of his life, he rarely made a move without consulting God. For example…
- 1 Samuel 23:1-3 David inquired of the LORD, saying…
- 1 Samuel 23:4-5, 10-11, 12-14 David inquired of the LORD once again.
- 1 Samuel 30:8-9 David inquired of the LORD, saying…
- 2 Samuel 2:1-2; 5:17-21 David inquired of the LORD, saying…
- 2 Samuel 5:22-25 23 David inquired of the LORD…
- 2 Samuel 21:1 …and David inquired of the LORD.
David’s one desire is to live his life within the confines of an intimate relationship with God.
He wants to know God…
He wants to please God in every decision… and
He shares his desire in order to influence the generations that would follow.
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Philippians 2:12-13
Each year on December 30, my wife and I celebrate the anniversary of our engagement in 1981, when I proposed marriage after dating her for six months. I was fearless in that moment, but had agonized for months leading up to that evening. I didn’t want to make a mistake. There was too much at stake.
Gail and I first met in August 1980 in the foyer of Lowrey Memorial Baptist Church in Blue Mountain, Mississippi. Following an evening church service as people were chatting in the aisles, a mutual friend introduced me to her and her parents. I remember the moment: she was a short, pretty blonde girl with a dimpled smile. I immediately liked her and we became friends. Just friends. It was the beginning of our sophomore year of college and I was engaged to marry someone else – one of Gail’s friends.
By the end of that semester, the engagement was over. It was a deeply disorienting and confusing time for me. I felt that I had made an irreparable mess of two lives. In the three years since trusting Christ to forgive my sins and change me, I saw nothing but failure. Powerful emotions clouded my thoughts and colored my decisions. I didn’t trust anything about me, and I didn’t know how to depend on Him to lead me. Yet.
Gail and I began meeting and talking together following the recent breakup. I had entered Blue Mountain College believing God was calling me to be a pastor. Since she was a little girl, Gail believed she was called to be a minister’s wife. We spent hours together, laughing and enjoying a very different kind of relationship than any I had known. It was centered on Christ and a shared sense of calling. We shared scriptures with one another. We encouraged each other. We prayed together.
She already knew what was coming. She had prayed and had several confirmations from the Lord that I was going to be her husband one day. She was sure. But I wasn’t.
It was all too soon and too fast for me. I was enjoying our sharing, but I still had no clue what I was doing. I was definitely infatuated with her. I thought she was beautiful. I knew she would always love me. But did I really love her? Did I even know what true love is? I didn’t want to make the same mistakes in another relationship. So I stopped everything that was happening with Gail. I broke it off. I stopped seeing her and tried to be “single” for a while.
She was hurt. She avoided me. And I didn’t blame her. It was my fault.
My “Single” Life
During the next five months, I continued to struggle relationally. It was an emotional roller coaster. But I studied hard. And with God’s grace, I was speaking regularly in churches scattered across north Mississippi.
As summer approached, I had to choose between two ministry job opportunities: a summer intern position at a nationally-recognized megachurch, or a summer youth pastor position in a small town. At the time I sensed that this was a turning point for me. This was an important decision and I wanted to do God’s will. I prayed. I sought counsel from my parents. I discussed it with my Bible professors. I never received a direct, intuitive word from God, but I did strongly sense He was directing me to the small town assignment based on my conversations with the “counselors” He had placed in my life.
So I went to work at First Baptist Church of Fulton, Mississippi, which also happened to be Gail’s hometown. We had barely spoken since our brief “dating” relationship had ended.
I had begun to greatly distrust my feelings – especially romantic feelings. I determined that any decision I would make in the future would be rooted in an objective, unclouded choice to do the will of God. So discerning and knowing His will in major life decisions became a paralyzing experience for me. I didn’t know what I was doing much of the time, but I knew this: I wanted to pursue His wisdom in all of my relationships with others.
A New Beginning
I loved being a youth pastor and I loved the students. As they came to me with questions about life and dating relationships, I found myself driven repeatedly to the scriptures and to my knees seeking the truth. Helping them grow was helping me to grow. I began studying what the Bible says about relationships between men and women. I uncovered a range of interactions in the text: family, friendship, engagement, and marriage.
In particular, I was seeing that marriage was not ultimately founded on romantic feelings, but on a promise. When I married, I realized I would be making a promise to be there for my wife for the rest of her life. That kind of love is a choice, not a feeling… and I drank that biblical understanding into my mind and heart like a thirsty man stepping out from a dark, deadly, and dry place.
Gail spent that summer serving as a children’s ministry intern at a church four hours away from Fulton. On her way home to see her family for a couple of days, she struggled over whether to make contact with me. The Lord spoke to her: “If there were any other classmates in Fulton for the summer serving a church in your hometown you would call them.” She called me. I dropped by to visit.
Awkward at first, we sat across from each other in her parents’ living room and talked about the things we had learned in the months since our brief relationship had ended. Being “single” was a good thing we decided. Then we began to talk easily and naturally together, in much the way we had in the beginning, but I was listening and watching her with fewer “clouds” in my mind. It was a new beginning.
We lost interest in being “single” as we gained a new interest in one another. We talked on the phone regularly. We wrote letters (an ancient form of “texting” for you younger souls). I made a couple of trips to see her, leaving after work, driving four hours, talking till midnight, driving back to Fulton, and grabbing a shower before going back into the office.
As we headed back to college for our junior year, we were dating exclusively. I continued my work as a youth pastor in Fulton on weekends. She would often travel with me. I stayed with a family in the church, while she stayed in her home. I grew to love her family. She grew to love mine.
But as the relationship progressed, I had a nagging set of questions that circled incessantly around in my mind. Is she the one? How are you going to know? When are you going to know? How is God going to make this clear to you?
This went on for six months. She had given up any hope that I was going to propose marriage anytime soon.
The Angels Stood
Just before noon on December 30, 1981, I was walking out of the mall in Tupelo when some of my kids from the church youth group saw me – they also saw the jewelry story bag I was carrying. They knew what I had in there. After they begged to see the engagement ring– and I showed it to them – I knew I couldn’t take Gail with me to church on that Wednesday night. The news would travel faster than my actual marriage proposal – even without the social media channels of today!
How did I get to the point of asking her to marry me?
I had spent months denying what I wanted, afraid to trust my heart. At the same time, God was shaping my desires, drawing me to want what He wanted. In my longing to do His will, He was re‑forming and re‑building my thoughts and my emotions. I was reading His Word and seeking counsel from professors and parents, but it was the words of an older married couple that God used to help me acquire a better and biblical understanding of the desires of my heart.
What if God is making His will for you known through the very means you are not paying attention to: your desires? In Philippians 2:13, Paul says that when God is at work inside you, He is creating new desires (to will) and the ability to carry out everything He wants (to do). He knows you want to please Him, now what is in your heart to do next?
And in that truth, I found peace and freedom. In this great turning point, I did not hear His voice as a flowing collection‑of‑thoughts, as I would hear Him sometimes years later. I was not drawn to a particular Bible verse that would serve as directional anchor point in the decision process. I was not struck with a confirmation in the midst of listening to a sermon or a Bible study.
I just knew that He had created this desire inside of me for Gail. I missed her when she was away from me. Not in a silly, emotionally dependent sort of way, but in the sense that part of me was now incomplete when she was away. The part called “us” – something mysterious and wonderful and that had His fingerprints all over it. Something that was not a fantasy, but a powerful reality that would carry my devotion to her through decades.
It was Him…
to choose her!
Gail and her parents had been away for a few days. We had not exchanged Christmas gifts, so my plan was to await their arrival, speak privately to her parents, and take her out to dinner. They were late coming in… I went out to their house and waited in their driveway… and waited… and waited. After the long uncertainty, and now knowing, I was living in a new world with a new future that I had not let myself imagine. I could hardly contain my excitement.
When they finally arrived, Gail went to her room to change clothes, and I asked her Dad and Mom for permission to marry their daughter. Martha looked at George and I think she breathed under her breath something like, “It’s about time.” George smiled and quietly asked me to step outside. I still remember the first time I met George. He intimidated me. With powerful shoulders and massive hands, the ex-Marine with the chiseled face was a little scary to me, but I grew to love him as a gentle, wise man, who loved his family and his God.
When we got outside and walked in silence, I was a little anxious. Then he began asking me some practical questions about our financial readiness to do this. He seemed satisfied. After a few minutes, he uttered one of the great lines in our family lore, “Well Don, if you marry her and take her away, you can’t bring her back. You understand?” He laughed. I agreed. It was a great moment.
At a seafood restaurant operating in an old Victorian era home, we were seated at a table near a fireplace. It was raining outside. As we waited for our meal to come, I gave her the Christmas gifts I had. Then I pulled out the ring box in my pocket.
I handed it to her and leaned over whispering in her ear, “Marry me.” So technically I never asked her to marry me… but she was stunned and thrilled. She nodded her head “yes” and she could barely speak.
She told me later she had given up hope that a proposal would come that Christmas. But she kept praying and trusting God to speak to me. She had always known, almost from the first time we met.
It was the moment when the angels stood and looked down on two college students who met in a little Baptist church one evening… and the mighty ones peered over the bannisters of heaven and said, “It’s happening! The two greatest lovers who will ever live… they’re meeting for the first time.” Or something like that.
So now my 54-year old self is telling my 20-year old self that it didn’t have to be that hard. Unfortunately, my 54-year old self was not around to offer that advice to the 20-year old self!
So if you identify with the 20-year old in this story, I hope you saw some of these things:
- He was dissatisfied with the way he had been living.
- He was fearful of missing the life God had in mind for him.
- He was persistent in his human efforts to know God’s will.
- He discovered that knowing God grew out of studying His Word.
- He discovered God was ordering conversations and circumstances to bring the 20-year old closer to Him.
- He discovered God’s activity in his own soul.
- He discerned what God wanted Him to do next.
Tonight, Gail and I will go out and celebrate our proposal anniversary again. Not only does the evening mark the beginning of our walk together, but it was a turning point in my journey to hear, understand, and know the heart of God.
[Author’s Note: This post was originally published December 30, 2015 at DonPucik.com and migrated to EquippingSaints.com]